Jude Hardin

Author, Drummer, Turtle Whisperer

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Friday, May 14, 2010

Pocket-47 Flap Jacket Copy (Revision #1)

Furious for being grounded, fifteen-year-old Brittney Ryan has taken to the streets. Leitha, her older sister and legal guardian, hires private investigator Nicholas Colt to find her and bring her home.

Piece of cake, Colt thinks. With the forbidden boyfriend’s address in hand, he plans to make a surprise visit and put this one in the scrapbook.

But something more sinister is behind Brittney’s disappearance, and Colt soon finds himself in an ever-widening maze of deceit, betrayal, and murder. One treacherous path leads to another, the obstacles and pitfalls seemingly endless.

And, when Colt learns what the mysterious phrase Pocket-47 means, he is haunted even more by the plane crash that killed his wife and baby daughter twenty years ago--a crash he now realizes might not have been an accident.

Determined to save Brittney and untangle the threads of his own tortured past, Colt squares off with one of the most heinous and violent criminals in modern history. With time quickly running out, he struggles to exhume an astonishing secret buried for two decades.

7 Comments:

Blogger Mark Terry said...

Much, much better.

5:07 PM  
Blogger Jude Hardin said...

Thanks, Mark!

5:41 PM  
Blogger Erica Orloff said...

Better, but you aren't there yet. Um . . . where is Colt's personality? Flat as a pancake here. I don't see ANYTHING about him, his sardonic wit. Better, but not there by even halfway yet. Open with HIM, or at least give us threads of his voice. Something.

6:15 AM  
Blogger Jude Hardin said...

Thanks, Erica. I'll keep trying!

7:49 AM  
Blogger Jude Hardin said...

I'm limited to 175 words, so this is really tough!

8:05 AM  
Blogger LurkerMonkey said...

Hmmm .... these things are murderous. I feel for you.

My take: I don't know that it "hangs together" all the way for me or tells me a quick story about your book. For example, the fourth paragraph is pretty unrelated to the first three paragraphs. And the last sentence of the third paragraph strikes me as filler.

Also, can you write it using only simple, declarative sentences? You've got some pretty sophisticated sentence structure in a piece that's meant to be read in 10 seconds and help make a purchasing decision. Might it be clearer if you got rid of all the dependent clauses, especially the introductory ones? As Colt himself might say (at least as I imagine him), "Give it to me straight, right between the eyes."

10:19 AM  
Blogger Jude Hardin said...

I'll try that, Jon. Thank you.

I'm in the middle of my work week at the hospital, but I'll have time to work on it more later in the week.

3:41 PM  

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